Closure

Sometimes you just don’t get it.  There’s no warning, there’s no explanation… Seemingly, there’s no reason.  And it hurts.  You feel rejected, you question everything that transpired, and you wonder what it is that you did wrong.  You’re assuming it was you.

If you can relate to what I’ve just said, I’m here to tell you that you can do everything right and sometimes it’s just not going to work.  I’m saying this from experience.  You can love, give, try, work at it, everything — but it still takes two.  That darn free will element.  But that free will portion is so clutch.

It’s easy to say hey, I’m a good woman.  I cook, I love sports, I play video games, I’m intelligent, I’m funny, I’m sweet, and I don’t need to be up under him all the damn time.  I have a life and my own friends, and I intend to keep them.  He compliments me, he doesn’t complete me.  He says he loves me, and I haven’t given him a reason to stop, so logic follows that he should just keep loving me.  Stop right there — that last statement is flawed.

I hate to compare love to a job, but maybe it’s not such a bad analogy.  A relationship is like at-will employment.  You can be fired without cause; meaning, you don’t have to do something wrong to be dumped.  Whether it’s timing, he decides he’s not ready, a lack of chemistry, a loss of chemistry, dishonesty, or whatever the case, you may not have done something wrong.  And, still, you’re now seeking closure for the end of a relationship.

But think about it:  you’d rather KNOW that someone wants to be with you, rather than feels like they HAVE to stay with you, right?  It makes a difference.  Knowing that someone chooses to spend time with you over someone else, chooses to treat you with love and respect, makes you a priority… Doesn’t that feel better than someone who is just with you for now, biding their time until something they perceive as better comes along?  Or better yet, someone who is with you for that one thing only?

It’s so easy to overanalyze every single event, thought, expression, conversation… But it’s pointless.  If it’s over, give yourself the time and space you need to accept that.  Whether you ever get that explanation you’re hoping for, you’ll find closure.  It’s really about getting back to the place where you can accept that you are enough.  With or without someone else.

8 thoughts on “Closure”

  1. Someone shared this with me on Twitter a while back and I’m glad they did. Very well put…As responsible as it is, the thought of having to be enough without someone else is very scary. It’s only human to initially feel like shit and once you understand that, it’ll lessen the Wow factor of everything crashing down because you’ll expect to hurt a little while the dust settles. You’re exactly right about not having to have done something wrong, but something has to be wrong for it not to work. Usually figuring that out, whatever it was, will tie those loose ends and leave you stronger and wiser going into your next relationship. I have more thoughts but I don’t wanna undermine the quality of this post. Please continue writing, i’m loving it 🙂

    -Jaxn

    1. Thank you, love. Though you should never feel that you have to filter yourself — at least not with me — I welcome whatever your thoughts are. I’m unlikely to filter as well.

      I don’t deny that something had to be wrong; rather, this was a place where finding closure without knowing what the issue was or having an opportunity to fix it became necessary. The ending was abrupt, without explanation, and honestly without even a conversation. Harsh is a a word that comes to mind. Either way, time forces you to move on, regardless of whether we’re ready. After a break up, sometimes time just moves too slowly. I’m glad you stopped by. I’m a big fan of your blog. 🙂

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