I first started blogging 11 years ago on Xanga. I needed an outlet to handle my grief from my sister passing away, and the best way for me to deal with my feelings is to write about it.
One friend in particular has been with me the entire way — she was my first follower, understood what I was going through, and we’ve never lost contact. Over brunch yesterday, we reminisced to our Xanga days, when we blogged daily and had a consistent following. How much easier it was then, how blogging made so much sense. Since then, we’ve both created new blogs, on multiple interfaces, but we’ve continued to follow each other, though our blogging is far less consistent.
The followers that we had weren’t in huge droves, but they were consistent. They commented, they kept up with our daily lives, and we kept up with theirs. We had true connections, rather than a bunch of strangers reading random lines and losing interest because there weren’t regular updates.
I want to get back to the Xanga days. One thing that I can say is that daily blogging, even about random events or feelings, is that I had a sense of clarity. I slept better. Even if I didn’t go shouting from the rooftops all of my feelings and frustrations, they were on the page. I had expressed myself, talked through it. Maybe someone commented, maybe they didn’t. Maybe someone could relate. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter, because I’d dealt with whatever was going on and moved forward. I slept better because I wasn’t going over the details repeatedly in my head.
I work hard at my job, but I’ve been neglecting my first love: writing. I put so much time and effort into my work that I am too tired to write. I use the excuse that I was brought up that way; trained and groomed to work hard and put my best foot forward. But I think about what I would love to have time to do every day for the rest of my life, and it’s not work – it’s write. If I want to do what I love to do, I guess I need to make more of an effort. I can’t publish a book that’s never finished.
Time to renew the motivation, the commitment. In doing so, my hope is that I’ll restore the connection with my readers (though not huge numbers) that I valued so much. Time to return to writing.