Writing Challenges

The month of September is more than three quarters of the way done, and I've written over 30,000 words so far. This is the best writing month that I've ever had. I can't even imagine where I would be if I hadn't found these writing challenges.

I am trying to balance my books with my blog, but I find that somehow one helps the other now. I'm on a schedule now. It's so different from before, but it's incredibly cathartic. I'm calmer now, because I'm actually doing what I love to do. I'm making time for me, and not just focusing on a job that I don't see as my final career.

As a writer, I need the time and headspace to commit to my craft, and I'm slowly finding my way, and building that myself. That habit. It's incredible.

One day, I WILL get to full-time writer status. One day.

Tomorrow’s Promises

Are we always living for future? When do we decide to live for the present?

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately is that I am forever planning. Planning to write, planning to travel, planning to figure out my career path. Planning to figure out who my future will include. I’m starting to wonder if this is all I’m ever going to do. When do you start feeling like you’re just living to enjoy life? Are there people who spend their whole lives squirreling away for the future only to have it cut short? Am I one of those people?

I find that there are a lot of things that I want for myself that I can’t currently work out, so I plan. I want security. I want to write full time. I want a partner to share life with. I want to live healthfully and fully. Hell, I want a dog. But I can’t achieve most of this right now, due to various circumstances. Lack of capital being a big one. So I try to plan pathways to get me there. They’re not always successful paths, but they are attempts. 

Are my wants just unrealistic? Am I just not dedicated enough to making these wants my reality? Sometimes I wonder. 

I will say that I’ve turned a corner on living healthfully. A few weeks ago, I made some lifestyle changes that I’m hoping that I can really commit to, and I’ve seen some change in a short period of time. I just need to keep moving forward with intention. 

I am going to start with today. Making a concerted effort to work on my path more often. Tracking my progress. Not let myself fall off and impede my own dreams. Not let fear keep me from things that I believe will make me really happy. 

Goals: be more present, more mindful. Be more dedicated. Get more sleep. Enjoy right now. 

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so it’s time to start acting like it. 

Embracing the Present

Ever have those days that just feel good? Not everything went perfect, but you leave feeling like you were effective, productive… competent even.

I’ve been dealing with some health challenges, asking a lot of questions without receiving any answers. Having a day like today made me forget about all of these nagging questions and worries. I’ve been praying, affirming, breathing deeply, and just reminding myself that I can handle whatever comes. I did ask a couple of friends to pray for me, but I’m determined not to be phased.

I don’t like to ask for much more than a prayer, and I don’t intend to now. Perhaps this is pride, or some other character flaw, but it’s how I am. I don’t want people worrying about me. Honestly, I don’t want to worry about me. Worry is stressful, and we don’t need that.

But you know what? It’s Friday. I’ve got osso bucco and gnocchi braising on the stove, I’ve got some good books to start this weekend, some writing exercises to get through, a nail spa pampering session scheduled, and there’s good wine ready for pouring (which will be followed by great bourbon). Let’s savor and really be present in this energy and this moment.

Let time slow down just for a couple days… One can hope, anyway.

Playing the Odds

I always find it interesting when people decide to point out how skewed the odds may be, especially when they appear not to be in my favor. It’s like, “hey, this looks really bleak… So how do you feel about it?”

Um, what?

I’m not big on worrying about the odds, whether they’re in my favor or not. If I gave up every time my chances weren’t great, I might as well have just stayed in bed. Why try at all? And this can apply to dating, job opportunities — anything where you’re putting yourself out there and taking a chance.

We face challenges on a daily basis. Sometimes we know we’re in for an uphill battle. Sometimes we know we’ll have smooth sailings. But isn’t life about the journey? Isn’t a part of the point that we will have a story to bear witness to others? If we were to always operate based on the odds, should we just give up when the odds aren’t good? And, if the answer is no, what is the true point in declaring that the odds are unfavorable to others that have to face them? Is it a passive-aggressive thing?

I get the sense that sometimes this is meant as a dose of reality, a “face the facts” sort of alert. But your reality may be different from mine. Just because you think I should be worried doesn’t mean I will be. That’s not really how this works, at least not in my reality.

I’m not going to worry about the odds. There’s always a curveball that can be thrown, and as long as you expect that from life, you’re about as equipped as you can be. I believe in myself, my resilience, and I surely believe in miracles, because I fall short.

Life doesn’t feel a whole lot like risk when you factor in faith. Stay positive, try anyway (regardless of the odds) and see what happens. Maybe you can change the odds.

Regresar a Casa

Finally home, after 3 weeks of travel, and I don’t know where to begin. Do I clean, do laundry, or eat some of Zea’s famous Thai style ribs?? Of course, we all know the ribs are going to win this battle, but I have yet to find that semblance of home.

I think the answer really is in finding a balance, but because I’m always in a state of wanting to move, I never put in all of the effort I’d need to really make any place “homey.” I think I actually feel more comfortable living in hotels at this point.

Mexico was incredible. And although “la vengaza de Montezuma” did take over for a few days, the language, the people, the history, and the buildings were just amazing. I’d go back in a heartbeat. I’m inspired.

I want to get back to my Xanga days. Very few followers have made the journey with me from my start on Xanga in 2003, through my blogspot days, to my home on WordPress. Through anonymous spells to completely public, and back to semi-anonymity.

But when I say I want to get back to my Xanga days, I mean that I’m tired of filtering what I have to say. I used to write anything and everything, and the only thing I really hid were the names of those I came into contact with. I just got everything off my chest and avoided the worry of stepping on egg shells.

Maybe Mexico was the start of my journey to the kind of writing I like, or maybe I’m just tired of talking about randomness without tying anything together. I’m a professional, I’m a writer, I’m a cook, a musician, an avid reader, a yogi, a friend, and a wanderer.

This is where the facets intersect.